Classification: unedited rant. Should have used a Thesaurus.

Are you allowed to detract yourself from
the sociological, patriarchal values of modern day? I find it difficult as a modern woman to do so; I don't want to get married, I don't want to have children, I don't want to get a house and settle down. My friends that are in that headspace; well good for you. I'm happy for you, it just doesn't work for me. When my dad died I decided that enough was enough. I wasn't going to follow ideological and social pressures. I decided that I am going to live my life for my dad, who didn't do enough living himself. God bless him. He worked his life to support a family and felt terribly stressed all of the time. Personally, I think that contributed to him dying, but I'm not a medical professional. Holistic all the way.
I am going to  travel around the entire world, I am going to have fun whilst doing it. I am not going to listen to people's opinions about what I should be doing ( those opinions which are wholeheartedly indoctrinated by society). I am going to intensely discover who I want to be. I don't see why there should be a time limit on that. I'm 25, I've seen a lot of the world, I've done what I want to do and I've had a fine time doing it. I don't want to listen to a doctrine, or political and sociological ideas that try to stifle my creative travelling liberation. I don't want people to ask me why I haven't got a career. I don't want people to ask me why I don't have a boyfriend and I definitely don't want people to ask me why I'm not married. This all may be 'I' in the first person, however it should be 'we' as a people. The people that agree.
I watched a very interesting Louis Theroux documentary about prison life. Prisoners are habitualised into their prison life, stuck in a microcosm of same sex society, just probably a bit more ruthless than life in Congleton! The same feelings go though for me, same as a criminal stuck behind bars. Society is ruthless, prison is a microcosm of that in a strange way. Are we institutionalised as a people? Yes. Are we indoctrinated as a people? Yes. Are we trapped within a patriarchal society controlled by a ruthless government- yes (very 1984). We're are as trapped by opinions and judgements as prisoners, but we're used to it, so nobody challenges it. (Challenge it!)
I don't think that people understand how repressed we are as a people. We've grown, since the 1900's obviously but why is there so much pressure to do well? Why is there so much pressure to have a career? When in history has this been the case? If you could provide for your family then why are you looked down on for working in a bar, supermarket, Mcdonalds. Why can't we just do what we want to do and not be questioned? I'm happy, why aren't you judgemental people? Please stop commenting on my life. 

Elephant Hills

Deep in the luscious rainforest of Khao Sok, Elephant Hills is a tropical tented paradise, submerged within the depth of the jungle. Arriving, we entered an idyll microcosm of jungle paradise. We walked through the leafy terrain with only our thoughts to occupy us. Crickets and birds chirped the words of the jungle. Admittedly our tent was luxurious, mosquito proof and an en-suite bathroom, "how can a tent be so beautiful" you think? But it was, it is. So we camp within the depths of the jungle and play in the hammocks that hang from the patio of new home. We leave the tent to go on our first excursion. Words aren't sufficient to explain the pleasure of our time here. We are transported to the elephant camp on an old army truck, we enter a surreal environment. Elephants are in their natural environment, close enough to touch, to feel and to stroke. A mahout looks after an elephant at all times, the elephants are raised with the mahouts. The bond is easily observed, a man and an elephant work as a singular form. We see a baby elephant, not even a year old. Our guide 'No. 1" makes jokes and our experience is very pleasurable. We laugh with him, as he plays with the elephants, humanising them. They respond to his affection with pleasure. We prepare the meals for the elephants, chopping up plants for their afternoon lunch. We feed them, not minding the saliva that gets onto our faces and hands. The pleasure is worth the spit back. The elephants have a 'bath' much like the small child you see in the washing powder adverts who gets themselves muddier before sparky clean. The mahout guides us whilst we scrub the elephant gently and the hose her down. We learn that elephants are matriarchal (if only the world could learn from them?) The elephant kisses us with her trunk and we say goodbye, ready for our next jungle adventure. The world is a much more beautiful place when you take everything away and realise that things can be so simple and pure.

Arrival

30 hours travelling, 30 hours of severe bum numbness. 11 hours of inconsiderate people winding their chairs fully back on the plane. 10 minutes of frantically running a mile to the connecting next flight. 5 hours listening to The Weeknd and other various artists that remind me of home. 2 hours in between sleeps watching 'Wreck it Ralph'. 1 hour reading 'The Little Prince' (thanks Danny). 2 hours coercing mum into letting me rest my legs on her. A little amount of time being sad about leaving certain people. A large amount of time being nervous. A 2 hour thunderstorm, watching the rain pelt down, certainly sure of the end of the world with the ferocious angry god like claps of thunder and Zeuslike bolts of lightening.
Two hours drinking Singha, under a beautiful star filled sky. No amount of time spent realising that this is where I belong and my new home. Citronella fills the air to ward away those lady loving mosquitoes, I have a beer in my hand. It's warmer than I have been in the past six months. They are playing Incubus in the beach bar. My heart is slightly heavy but will be okay. Time for fun.

Leaving

The decision to leave your entire life behind is incomprehensive. You fall in love, you fall out of love. You have a working family, you don't. Friendships, life and loves are fickle so why not leave? People don't leave, you watch them, they get stuck, they stay the same. It's scary leaving everything to hope to be someone you aren't currently. You can write who you are. You can be who you are. I'm a scared little girl with nothing to write about.
Little Loz, first person. I don't want to be back in the same place, I want to travel, not just for myself but for my amazing dad too. Live the dream. He never got to. YOLO.

Regret

Regret is an interesting phenomenon. People are so quick to regret but not so quick to observe the beauty of mistakes. I use the word mistakes loosely as every mistake is an experience. As reference to Blake's poetry, it is experience that is the ether of life. Experience takes us from the little lamb to the roaring tiger. With this literal equation, how it is possible to live with regret? Regret is a painful burden that people need to be free from. Past mistakes should be obsolete. The past is the past is the past and the future is the future.
With this in mind, since I have moved on with my life and become the person that I want to be. I refuse to regret any of my past and love all of my mistakes. I'm going to travel, make myself me, live everything and love everyone.

YOLO

What's fun about fantasy?

“Not all who wander are lost” – J.R.R Tolkien

The previous post concentrates on the M20C (my new ‘cool abbreviation for the ‘mid twenties crisis’) and how our life experiences should be the focal point for any decisions made. The M20C is brought about by sociological pressures, creating not only an emotional crisis but sometimes also an existential one. How do we alleviate these pressures? How do I alleviate these pressures?

Fantasy texts are the answer; novels, films, tv programs. A genre dedicated to pure, unadulterated escapist pleasure. For me, the self doubt and self questions stop when I enter a world that is so unbelievable, it encompasses my whole self. The reversion to reality can be wholeheartedly depressing, when I’ve been so entranced in a happy bubble cloud of words. What more could I want, coming home from work on a bleak Manchester evening, than to curl up and immerse myself into a world of magic, knights and dragons.

Some people assume that these above points are all that fantasy texts are about, but there’s so much more. Key themes include illusion versus reality, good versus evil, relationships, and there’s always a flawed protagonist. Maybe I’m being contradictory, maybe I can see myself in these characters; the flaws in the protagonist are the key to the human condition and every person is part of that. Whether the hero be in Narnia, Middle Earth or Terre D’ Ange they struggle too. How many times have I read about an existential crisis in one of these texts and related to it? They are the key to my education, they live, take risks and experience life in ways only imaginable. Let’s re-evaluate, we can now call it an educated escapism, as we can relate to the hero. In fantasy, things usually work out well in the end, so this is what we can hope and strive for. The key point is ‘experience’. It’s the adventures, heartaches and downfalls that are exciting to read. It’s these things that make the hero eventually get where they want to be. I am the protagonist of my story. Ready for the adventures.

Mid twenties Crisis

“What would you like to do with your life?” How many times do my generation counterparts get asked this question and what is the correct answer? Life plans seem expected from older successful counterparts, yet surely in your twenties you are supposed to snatch upon the freedom of inexperience and live with a slight ounce of spontaneity. The conventional expectations that are imposed upon this generation by older society have now become flawed. The older, traditional life route would be to indoctrinate yourself into education from age four until twenty one, followed very closely by a jump into a career and then eventually marriage and babies. But this just isn’t possible any more. Life is expensive. University is expensive. Cultural recession makes it difficult to get a graduate job. For me, the thought of getting married and having a baby is so far off, it is as elusive as the philosophers stone. Hence then, the question positions the lack of answer and then instigates the “Whatthefuckamidoingwithmylife” mid twenties crisis.The Mid-twenties crisis; a phenomenon that my friends and I certainly weren’t expecting. The transitional period between student to adult is difficult and rarely smooth. A life faced with low income and high bills is not a pretty one. Another facet of your education begins; life education.Your twenties are supposed to be the time in your life where you make your mistakes and learn from your experiences. There are many things that make it tough. Heartbreak, housing issues, emotional displacement, job searches, but they’re supposed to be FUN. So I say let’s wrap up the crisis together, experience everything, grow from it, learn from it and then decide.

Bloody planning!

Planning, planning, planning. How can you plan for your life to change so intensely, dramatically and amazingly. If you've read the many emo previous blog posts you'll be able to recognise that this year has been a whirlwind, a torrent of negative emotions that have been impossible to control.
How do you recover from this? So many people don't. Never run away, never dwell, no regrets. That's the key. This little lady is going away, going away to find herself again and to be centred again.
Here's the plan...Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, the Phillipines and Indonesia. If I'm good I'll charter it well... If I'm not too bad. First travel post in approximately 6 weeks.
Follow my journey, it's sure to be emotional! Xx